Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
