Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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