we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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