He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
