Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
