She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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