worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we're making bets on your personal life
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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