i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
