I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
