Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
