I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
