Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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