bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
