My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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