Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
