I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
porn star boner night. come get it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
