Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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