You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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