im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
