my sisters under your porch take her home
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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