The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
