I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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