I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
