The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
