Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
