We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
