the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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