Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
