when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
