Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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