this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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