woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
