So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
two words: eviction party
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
