dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
