I hate all girls vehemently.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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