i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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