im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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