have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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