her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize