Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
