I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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