did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
