I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm having to shit out rocks
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