Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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