so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
