The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
