it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
