Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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