I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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