Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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