the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
