So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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