I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
