You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
