Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
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So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
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I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize