I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
