Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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