their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
