I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
