i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
