Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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