I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
