That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
