She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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