So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize