I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
