I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You can't motorboat a personality
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
