I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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