John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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