He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
