Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
