I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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