I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
