dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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