I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
