There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
