I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
