Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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