apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
