I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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