And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
