it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
